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ummberto — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 11:56:00 +0000

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ummberto — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 20:38:00 +0000

I went to go visit my friend at the car dealership and I found a damsel in distress. She needed some extra money to make the down payment on a new car. So, I offered her a deal she could not resist. She looked at me with those sexy hazel eyes and accepted. So, we went to the back office to converse this business agreement. Then, Missy displayed to me her juicy tits and luscious ass. She had no problem sucking that dick and riding it. for more pics and videos street blowjobs

ummberto — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 23:51:00 +0000

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ummberto — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 09:30:00 +0000

In 1965 lawyer Andre Francois Raffray agreed to ``purchase'' the houseof an elderly client at the then steep price of $500-a-monthinstallments---on condition that he would inherit the propertyoutright the moment she died. Last week, 30 years older and $180,000poorer, Raffray, 77, expired on Christmas Day. His client, JeanneCalment, celebrated the holiday with a sumptuous hotel banquet in herhome town of Arles. ``We all make bad deals in life,'' she joked toRaffray when she turned 120 early last year. She is officially theoldest person in the world. (Time, 8 Jan, 1996, p. 8)more pics like the one below at Just Sluts

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ummberto — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 12:39:00 +0000

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ummberto — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 13:56:00 +0000

This blonde beauty came to us by name of Simone with some huge natural tits. I mean they were some big juicy breasts. She came by knowing good and well that there would be a whole lot of titty worship going down. So we went from the beautiful backgrounds of the Cali hills where Simone massaged her round tits with baby oil to the point of sure erection to the comfortable confines of the crib, where it got even hotter. Add some baby oil and horny chick with huge knockers and a dildo and we have got ourselves a great masturbation flick to boot.

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ummberto — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 12:23:00 +0000

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ummberto — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:43:00 +0000

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ummberto — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 12:11:00 +0000

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming. visit Fucking The Help for more.

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ummberto — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 18:26:00 +0000

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ummberto — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 22:03:00 +0000

Did you hear about the blond who was two hours late getting home because the escalator got stuck?

The trouble with political jokes is they usually get elected.

ummberto — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 04:08:00 +0000

TWO DRUNKS WERE LYING ALONGSIDE THE CURB WHEN A COP CAME UP THE OFFERCER SAW THAT ONE HAD HIS FINGER STUCK UP THE OTHER'S ASS. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? THE COP DEMANDED. MY BUDDY IS SICK AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE HIM THROW UP THE DRUNK SLURRED. WELL HOW THE HELL IS STICKING YOUR FINGER UP HIS ASS GOING TO MAKE HIM THROW UP? JUST WAIT THE DRUNK SAID, UNTIL I STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH......

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

ummberto — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 03:52:00 +0000

FOLLOWING A LONG ARDUOUS CATTLE DRIVE, THE COWBOY HEADED FOR THE RESTAURANT FOR DINNER. TAKING THE ONLY SEAT LEFT, WHICH WAS NEXT TO A LADY ABOUT 20 YEARS OLD (WHO LOOKED VERY WEALTHY AND EDUCATED), HE OVERHEARD HER PLACE HER ORDER. "I'LL HAVE BREAST OF FOWL, VIRGIN FOWL. MAKE SURE IT'S VIRGIN. CATCH IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH ONION AND BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, NOT TOO HOT, NOT TOO COLD. AND WAITER, OPEN A WINDOW. I SMELL A HORSE, THERE MUST BE A COWBOY IN THE HOUSE." THOROUGHLY PISSED, THE COWBOY MADE HIS ORDER. "I'LL HAVE DUCK, FUCKED DUCK. MAKE SURE IT'S FUCKED. FUCK IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH HORSESHIT. THEN BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, STRONG AS TEXAS MULE PISS, AND BLOW THE FOAM OFF WITH A FART. AND WAITER, KNOCK THE WHOLE DAMN WALL DOWN. I SMELL A CUNT, THERE MUST BE A WHORE IN THE HOUSE."

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ummberto — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:11:00 +0000

Abbey came to show us true how good of a cowgirl wench albatross produce.Real Orgasms This big boobed hottie primitive warmed growing shoving her fingers in her pussy. Once she really got animation butterfly settled to take it to abutment speed further utility a effulgent studded vibrator. For the grand finale she straddled the sybian also pushed it to the use by turning the knob outright the plan to the right. She can truly ride.

Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.

ummberto — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:13:00 +0000

A man is having excruciating pains in his groin, accompanied by intense headaches, so he goes to doctor. The physician gives him a thorough going over and announces that he has an excessive pressure in his crotch, and that the headaches will continue until and unless he has his balls removed. Only after the most incredible case of migraine headaches and blue balls does he consent to the operation. He gets castrated. Because of the operation, he felt very depressed. The pressure was gone, and there was no pain, but still, he sat at the window and stared into empty space. His wife wandered over and told him "Honey, I know how you must feel. Whenever I feel depressed, I go downtown and buy some new clothes. That always makes me feel much better." He takes her advice. He goes to the most expensive haberdasher in town and orders a fancy suit. The tailor tells the man, "Well, I can tell that you wear a size 15-and-a-half shirt." The man is amazed. "That's exactly right," he says. "And a size 10-B shoe." "Yes!" exclaims the man, "you are right again." "And you wear a size 10 hat, 34 inch pants length, and a 36 inch waist on your underwear," says the tailor. "That's perfectly right, except my underwear has a 34 inch waist." "Oh, no," says the tailor, "I know my business. You wear a 36. If you wore tighter underwear, you'd get pressure built up in your groin, and then you'd get terrible headaches."

I didn?t lose my marbles, I gave them away.

ummberto — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:53:00 +0000

A girl WAS COMING HOME FROM A DATE. HHER MOTHER HAD WAITED UP FOR HER, AND WHEN THE girl WALKED IN THE DOOR, THE MOTHER NOTICED SHE HAD RICE IN HER HAIR. ANNE, SHE SAID YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO A WEDDING. I DIDN'T MOTHER, ANNE REPLIED. I WAS GIVING A BLOW JOB TO A CHINAMAN AND HE GOT SICK ALL OVER ME.....

Preserve nature. Pickle a squirrel today.

ummberto — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 00:15:00 +0000

Message on card from male to female scientists determined that the average time of intercourse is four minutes, the average strokes per minute is nine, making the average intercourse consisting of thirty-six strokes. the average penis is six inches letting the average girl receive 216 inches or 18 fet per intercourse. the average girl does it about 3 time a week, 50 weeks a year, and 150 times 18 makes 2,700 feet or just a little over half mile! so, if you're not getting your half mile every year, why not let the man who gave you this card to read--help you catch up?????

I like sheep - its me and ewe baby.

ummberto — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 23:53:00 +0000

We were listening the other day as a group of strident feminists declared that the Women's Liberation Movement in this decade has brought about the demise of the Male Chauvinist Pig. Possibly. We assume they're referring to the amateur, weekend, dilettante Male Chauvinist Pig. Not the all-pro Died-in-the-wool variety. For him the women's movement is a blessing. Look at this way: Before "liberation" if a man wanted "WHAT ALL MEN ARE AFTER," it would take him a good 6 months of courtship, #376.29 worth of candy, flowers, dinners, phone calls, cute little stuffed animals with gushy Hallmark cards in their paws, and lots of fancy talk. Then, once he reached his piggish goal, there was always that "now that we're engaged, dear..." to be dealt with. It was a nightmare out of Women's Circle, McCall's, Redbook, AND Seventeen. With "liberation" our pig is faced with a lot of women who have talked themselves OUT of sentimentality. They hate and suspect romantic trappings... good-bye stuffed animals. They're paranoid about career and financial independence, which means their frantic division of all tabs exactly 50-50 saves the pig a lot of money. They believe in their right to sex, so they're willing to talk freely on the subject and then get right to it. No more coy 6 month waiting period. And then when the pig does slip and say something chauvinistic, all he need do is let his femperson rant for half an hour on the gross inadequacies of men, then look sheepish and explain that he's sorry but he's just a victim of society's training and he needs help. Finally, when he grows bored with things, our pig gets out by extending a firm hánd and saying, "I want us both to grow and continue to respect each other as individuals but I feel in this relationship we're cramping each other and though it's painful, I want to let us part as mature friends." The translation of which is, "I just met this blond even easier than you."

ummberto — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 19:39:00 +0000

A Polack has always been envious of a friend's ability to pick up girls at the beach. So one day, he asks how. The friend tells him "I just stick a potato in my swimsuit. The women go crazy for it." So the polack tries it. A few days later he sees his friend at the beach and has bad news. "That potato trick doesn't work at all. Women just go out of their way to avoid me these days." The friend says "well, wear the potato in front next time. Tah, rah, rah, boom-bee-ayee, Have you had yours today? I got mine yesterday, With the guy across the way He paid me ninety cents To go behind the fence He pulled my panties down And laid me on the ground He shouted, "one, two, three," And stuck it into me, Won't mommy be surprised, When she sees my tummy rise!

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ummberto — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:52:00 +0000

At the Playground (part 2)