I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.

Did you hear about the blond who was two hours late getting home because the escalator got stuck?

The trouble with political jokes is they usually get elected.

TWO DRUNKS WERE LYING ALONGSIDE THE CURB WHEN A COP CAME UP THE OFFERCER SAW THAT ONE HAD HIS FINGER STUCK UP THE OTHER'S ASS. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? THE COP DEMANDED. MY BUDDY IS SICK AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE HIM THROW UP THE DRUNK SLURRED. WELL HOW THE HELL IS STICKING YOUR FINGER UP HIS ASS GOING TO MAKE HIM THROW UP? JUST WAIT THE DRUNK SAID, UNTIL I STICK IT IN HIS MOUTH......

I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

FOLLOWING A LONG ARDUOUS CATTLE DRIVE, THE COWBOY HEADED FOR THE RESTAURANT FOR DINNER. TAKING THE ONLY SEAT LEFT, WHICH WAS NEXT TO A LADY ABOUT 20 YEARS OLD (WHO LOOKED VERY WEALTHY AND EDUCATED), HE OVERHEARD HER PLACE HER ORDER. "I'LL HAVE BREAST OF FOWL, VIRGIN FOWL. MAKE SURE IT'S VIRGIN. CATCH IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH ONION AND BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, NOT TOO HOT, NOT TOO COLD. AND WAITER, OPEN A WINDOW. I SMELL A HORSE, THERE MUST BE A COWBOY IN THE HOUSE." THOROUGHLY PISSED, THE COWBOY MADE HIS ORDER. "I'LL HAVE DUCK, FUCKED DUCK. MAKE SURE IT'S FUCKED. FUCK IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH HORSESHIT. THEN BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, STRONG AS TEXAS MULE PISS, AND BLOW THE FOAM OFF WITH A FART. AND WAITER, KNOCK THE WHOLE DAMN WALL DOWN. I SMELL A CUNT, THERE MUST BE A WHORE IN THE HOUSE."

real orgasms movies

Abbey came to show us true how good of a cowgirl wench albatross produce.Real Orgasms This big boobed hottie primitive warmed growing shoving her fingers in her pussy. Once she really got animation butterfly settled to take it to abutment speed further utility a effulgent studded vibrator. For the grand finale she straddled the sybian also pushed it to the use by turning the knob outright the plan to the right. She can truly ride.

Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.

A man is having excruciating pains in his groin, accompanied by intense headaches, so he goes to doctor. The physician gives him a thorough going over and announces that he has an excessive pressure in his crotch, and that the headaches will continue until and unless he has his balls removed. Only after the most incredible case of migraine headaches and blue balls does he consent to the operation. He gets castrated. Because of the operation, he felt very depressed. The pressure was gone, and there was no pain, but still, he sat at the window and stared into empty space. His wife wandered over and told him "Honey, I know how you must feel. Whenever I feel depressed, I go downtown and buy some new clothes. That always makes me feel much better." He takes her advice. He goes to the most expensive haberdasher in town and orders a fancy suit. The tailor tells the man, "Well, I can tell that you wear a size 15-and-a-half shirt." The man is amazed. "That's exactly right," he says. "And a size 10-B shoe." "Yes!" exclaims the man, "you are right again." "And you wear a size 10 hat, 34 inch pants length, and a 36 inch waist on your underwear," says the tailor. "That's perfectly right, except my underwear has a 34 inch waist." "Oh, no," says the tailor, "I know my business. You wear a 36. If you wore tighter underwear, you'd get pressure built up in your groin, and then you'd get terrible headaches."

I didn?t lose my marbles, I gave them away.

A girl WAS COMING HOME FROM A DATE. HHER MOTHER HAD WAITED UP FOR HER, AND WHEN THE girl WALKED IN THE DOOR, THE MOTHER NOTICED SHE HAD RICE IN HER HAIR. ANNE, SHE SAID YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO A WEDDING. I DIDN'T MOTHER, ANNE REPLIED. I WAS GIVING A BLOW JOB TO A CHINAMAN AND HE GOT SICK ALL OVER ME.....

Preserve nature. Pickle a squirrel today.

Message on card from male to female scientists determined that the average time of intercourse is four minutes, the average strokes per minute is nine, making the average intercourse consisting of thirty-six strokes. the average penis is six inches letting the average girl receive 216 inches or 18 fet per intercourse. the average girl does it about 3 time a week, 50 weeks a year, and 150 times 18 makes 2,700 feet or just a little over half mile! so, if you're not getting your half mile every year, why not let the man who gave you this card to read--help you catch up?????