I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.

FOLLOWING A LONG ARDUOUS CATTLE DRIVE, THE COWBOY HEADED FOR THE RESTAURANT FOR DINNER. TAKING THE ONLY SEAT LEFT, WHICH WAS NEXT TO A LADY ABOUT 20 YEARS OLD (WHO LOOKED VERY WEALTHY AND EDUCATED), HE OVERHEARD HER PLACE HER ORDER. "I'LL HAVE BREAST OF FOWL, VIRGIN FOWL. MAKE SURE IT'S VIRGIN. CATCH IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH ONION AND BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, NOT TOO HOT, NOT TOO COLD. AND WAITER, OPEN A WINDOW. I SMELL A HORSE, THERE MUST BE A COWBOY IN THE HOUSE." THOROUGHLY PISSED, THE COWBOY MADE HIS ORDER. "I'LL HAVE DUCK, FUCKED DUCK. MAKE SURE IT'S FUCKED. FUCK IT YOURSELF. GARNISH MY PLATE WITH HORSESHIT. THEN BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE, STRONG AS TEXAS MULE PISS, AND BLOW THE FOAM OFF WITH A FART. AND WAITER, KNOCK THE WHOLE DAMN WALL DOWN. I SMELL A CUNT, THERE MUST BE A WHORE IN THE HOUSE."